Most Baby Products Are Useless, There I Said It

by Linda Wood on Feb 04, 2026 0 comments

Most Baby Products Are Useless, There I Said It

Walk into a baby store or scroll Instagram for five minutes, and you’d think your baby cannot survive without:

12 swaddles in 12 different patterns (and yes, one must match the nursery curtains)
17 “developmental” toys that beep, spin, flash, and play three songs at once
A $400 crib mattress that claims to “align chakras”
And a smart bottle that tracks milk intake, body temperature, and probably your social life

Reality check: your baby doesn’t care.

At all.

The Great Toy Lie

Let’s be real — babies don’t need toys. Most of the time, the “educational” gadget you bought will:

Be chewed to death within the first day
End up under the couch for eternity
Be ignored while your baby stares at… the ceiling fan

Meanwhile, that cardboard box from your recycling pile? Instant spaceship. Drum kit. Castle. Tunnel.

Bonus: it costs nothing and your baby thinks you’re a genius.

Real Examples of Overkill

The “Baby Spa” Bath Tub With Built-in Massagers and Temperature Sensors – Because plain water is apparently too primitive. Baby? Prefers splashing and screaming.
The “Smart” Bottle – Alerts you every time your baby drinks a milliliter too much. Meanwhile, the baby prefers the plain old bottle, and you are now sleep-deprived and mildly obsessed with metrics you don’t even understand.
The $200 “Montessori Starter Kit” – Supposedly teaches shapes, colors, math, emotional intelligence, and probably quantum physics. Your baby? Chews it, bangs it on the floor, and turns it into a drum set.
The Fancy Baby Food Maker – Can puree peas into exactly 0.25mm smoothness. Your baby? Prefers squishing peas with their hands and launching them across the highchair.
Over-Engineered Highchairs – Recline, vibrate, fold, rotate, and track nutritional intake. Baby? Spills food everywhere, bangs on the tray, and cries when you try to recline it.

Social Media Made You Do It

Instagram and parenting blogs are ruthless. They whisper in your ear:

“Your baby NEEDS a Montessori nursery.”
“If your baby isn’t playing with this specific sensory toy, you’re failing.”
“Every product here is essential for your baby’s emotional and intellectual development.”

Except… your baby could not care less. They won’t remember brands, packaging, or price tags.

They will, however, remember:

You. Your face, your voice, your smell.
Talking, singing, cuddling, laughing.

All that other stuff? Optional. And most of it just gives you anxiety.

The Hidden Costs of Overbuying

Clutter stress: Every flat surface becomes a reminder of your failures as a parent (or at least that’s what Instagram would like you to believe).
Decision fatigue: Toy A or Toy B? Which swaddle? Which teether? Suddenly you’re analyzing every purchase like it’s a life-or-death decision.
Buyer’s guilt: “Did I get the right one? Will my baby be behind if I didn’t?” Newsflash: no. No they won’t.

Truth: Babies Are Simple

They will play with the box your toy came in.
They will chew on your phone charger (yep, prefer that over a $50 teething toy).
They will stare at the ceiling for 10 minutes like it’s a Netflix special.

If you want to truly entertain your baby, just give them space, your attention, and a weird object you don’t care about. Voila! Instant engagement.

How to Stop the Overbuying Madness

Ask yourself the tough questions: “Do I want this, or does my baby actually need it?” Hint: 90% of the time, it’s for you.
Look around your house: Wooden spoons, cardboard boxes, a towel — these are better toys than most “developmental” gadgets.
Borrow or buy second-hand: Babies outgrow everything so fast, you don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on stuff they’ll hate in a month.
Focus on experiences, not things: Reading a story, playing peek-a-boo, or tummy time = better than any product.

The moral of the story

Babies are weirdly simple, and parents are easily manipulated.

Your baby doesn’t care if you spent $300 on a high-tech bath, $50 on a teething toy, or $400 on a swaddle set that matches the nursery. They care if you pick them up when they cry, laugh with them, feed them, and maybe let them stick a chewed-up sock in your mouth for fun.

So relax. Stop buying stuff. Spend time instead. And if your baby loves a cardboard box over a $60 “developmental” cube… congratulations, you just won this thing called parenting.

HUSH LITTLE BABE