Why “Enjoy Every Moment” Can Be One of the Cruelest Things We Say to New Parents

It sounds kind.
It sounds supportive.
It sounds harmless.

To some, it isn’t.

Why this phrase lands like pressure, not comfort

Sometimes “Enjoy every moment” assumes:

• The moments are always enjoyable

• You’re present enough to savour them

• You’re not exhausted, overwhelmed, or drowning

It turns normal struggle into a personal failure.

If you’re not enjoying it, something must be wrong with you.

Parenting is not a highlight reel

Some moments are magical.

Others are:

• Repetitive

• Loud

• Boring

• Physically demanding

• Emotionally draining

And pretending otherwise doesn’t make parents grateful — it makes them quiet.

Because who wants to admit they’re not “enjoying” something they’re told is precious?

Memory doesn’t work the way we pretend it does

You don’t remember moments because you enjoyed them.

You remember them because they mattered.

No one enjoys:

• Teething at 3am

• Endless laundry

• Repeating the same task 40 times a day

Yet somehow, years later, those memories soften.

Not because you enjoyed them — but because you lived them.

The pressure to feel the “right” way

Telling parents to enjoy every moment can:

• Invalidate exhaustion

• Minimise burnout

• Silence honesty

It can suggest that gratitude and struggle can’t coexist.

They can. They do. Constantly.

A better thing to say

Instead of:

“Enjoy every moment”

Try:

• “This stage is intense.”

• “It won’t always feel like this.”

• “You’re allowed to find this hard.”

That’s support.

You don’t owe joy to anyone

You don’t need to perform happiness.
You don’t need to savour chaos.
You don’t need to love every second.

You just need to show up — imperfect, tired, human.

That’s enough.

And one day, without trying, the memories will come anyway.