Ok Ladies, Who Can Honestly Say Their Baby Daddy Helps?

by Linda Wood on Feb 05, 2026 0 comments

Ok Ladies, Who Can Honestly Say Their Baby Daddy Helps?

Ok ladies.
Let’s stop cushioning this.

Who can actually say their baby daddy helps?

Not “he tries.”
Not “he’s better than some.”
Not “he would if I asked.”

Actually helps.

Because if we’re honest, a lot of men aren’t helping — they’re being managed. And a lot of women are so deep in survival mode they don’t even realise they’ve become project managers for another adult.

Here’s the Uncomfortable Truth

If you disappeared for a week, everything would collapse.

Not emotionally — logistically.

Appointments missed.
Feeds off schedule.
Laundry undone.
Routines gone.
The baby unsettled.

Not because he doesn’t love the child.
But because he doesn’t hold the system in his head.

You do.

That’s not love. That’s labour.

You don't even realise how bad it is at first. You don’t, because it creeps in quietly.

You just start doing more.
Then a bit more.
Then all of it.

You stop asking because it’s quicker to do it yourself.
You stop explaining because explaining is exhausting.
You stop expecting because expecting just sets you up to be disappointed.

And suddenly you’re not “sharing parenting.”
You’re managing it.

He asks, “What do you want me to do?”

And something in you snaps.

Because the answer is:
I want you to know.
I want you to notice.
I want you to carry this without me handing you instructions like you’re a teenager doing chores.

But instead, you list tasks.
And you feel petty for even being annoyed.
And then you hate yourself a little for feeling petty.

There’s a specific kind of tired that comes with this.

It’s not just sleep deprivation.

It’s the tired of never switching off.
The tired of always being the one who remembers.
The tired of knowing that if you forget, no one else will catch it.

You’re tired of being the backup plan for everything.
The safety net.
The one who “just knows.”

And when he says, “Why are you so stressed?”
you realise how alone you actually are in this.

If you have to:

Explain how
Remind when
Correct afterward
Anticipate mistakes
Absorb the consequences

You’re not being helped.
You’re supervising.

And supervision is work.

So when he says “I didn’t know,” what he’s really saying is:

I assumed you would know.

And when he says “Why didn’t you tell me?”
What he means is:

I’m comfortable not noticing.

And here’s the part no one likes saying out loud:

Sometimes it’s not that he can’t do it.
It’s that he doesn’t have to.

Because you will.

The baby will still be fed.
The clothes will still be clean.
The appointments will still happen.

You absorb the consequences, so he never has to.

That does something to you over time.

It hardens you.
It makes you quieter.
It makes you less patient than you want to be.

You don’t want praise.

You don’t want medals.
You don’t want to be told you’re “doing an amazing job” while you’re drowning.

You want partnership.

You want to not have to think for five minutes straight.
You want to know that if you disappear for a day, things won’t fall apart.
You want to trust that the baby is safe without checking in.

That’s it.

And yes, you love him.

You love him while resenting him.
You love him while feeling let down.
You love him while quietly grieving what you thought parenting together would look like.

That messes with your head.

Because love doesn’t erase imbalance. And love doesn’t make exhaustion easier.